I’ve Been Bad, and I’ve Been Worse

Trudged into a walk-in clinic after work yesterday and took my seat in the waiting room for a long wait and noticed that several people were wearing little yellow paper face-masks. It seemed to be an optional thing – I didn’t notice any posted directions to put one on or anything – so I figured I’d do without, already being sick and all. And then I soon realized that what the masks really protect you from is 20 people shooting you filthy, angry looks every time you cough. So I went and found one and took my seat again. But my coughing must have been pretty horrific-sounding, because even though the dirty looks more or less stopped, every time I coughed it renewed a general exodus away from my corner of the waiting room, until finally it seemed like all the empty seats in the room were the ones closest to me. And I had bathed yesterday and everything.

• Mudhoney, “Touch Me I’m Sick” (buy here)