I Want You to Float, Float On

One thing that always pisses me off is bands who do goofy covers for the sake of making fun of them – the message being, “Isn’t it hilarious that a quality band like us is playing this cheesy song?” I figure you should play a song because you like it, even if it is a goofy song.

(Wow, I just had a flashback to another thing that always pisses me off, which is when a band does the “Hello, Toronto, are you ready to rock?” thing all sarcastic like. Dudes, we long ago reached the point where doing that ironically became more of a dumbass cliché than doing it sincerely, for God’s sake. I can even see Lou Barlow doing it onstage, a bad memory from years ago, and oh, come on, now he’s even making the devil sign with his hands!)

Anyway. Where was I? Right, making fun of songs. So sometimes I make fun of songs around here, but only a little, and when I do I hope it’s clear that it’s with affection. I mean, that song from a couple posts back about the girl in love with the Hells Angel is funny but it’s actually a pretty brilliantly put together song, and the Sisters of Mercy’s “More” is ham-fisted but is also actually a pretty brilliantly put together song.

Which brings us to “Float On” by the Floaters, a huge hit from the late 1970s that popped into my head lately, God knows why. I feel a lot of affection for this one, believe me, but it’s also impossible not to laugh at it. On the other hand, I really do think it’s a song that everyone should hear at least once. (And everyone obviously has a devalued meaning in the context of this site; it’s not like I think the Floaters could bring about world peace or anything.)

It starts with that real nice silken soul vamp, which insinuates itself into your arms & legs but soothes you at the same time. Easy to see why this went to #2 pop and #1 R&B.

And then they have to start singing.

When that happens, each of the four Floaters in turn steps up to the mike and discloses their Zodiac affiliation, their name (in that order, which is a nice touch), and then a brief rundown of just what they’re looking for in a lady. Example:

Libra
And my name is Charles
Now, I like a woman that’s quiet
A woman who carries herself like Miss Universe....

The completed template is then followed by the chorus, which is, um, an invitation to Love Land. (The capital of Love Land goes unmentioned, but I believe it can only be Pleasure Town.)

An impressively detail-oriented transcription of the lyrics can be found here, and here’s the song itself:

• The Floaters, “Float On” (buy here)

There’s also an extended 12-minute version out there, with the extra eight minutes or so being largely vocalless & devoted to that real nice silken soul vamp. Seems to me that with a few fill-it-in-yourself fields and some text-to-speech software and some mixing-board type software and some technical ingenuity, someone (not me) could set up an interface that would allow anyone the chance to be a Floater, if only for a few minutes. Example:

Libra
And my name is Derek
And I like a woman who’s patient regarding my various neuroses
Oh yeah, and that Miss Universe thing sounds good, too